SCORPIO: You may not get what you want, but you do get that one weird thing mentioned in all those scammy online ads. Close your mental browser without clicking on anything, and spend some time in your own reality. It has less excitement, but better graphics.
SAGITTARIUS: Peace and love aren’t just hangovers from the hippie age; they’re necessities to keep you from beating someone with their own briefcase. Stay groovy, man, and if you can’t, remember to swing with your good arm.
CAPRICORN: The odds aren’t in your favor, but the evens are. Take the second trolley, the fourth seat and the eighth stop. You’ll find something amazing there, even if it’s just your own good-looking self.
AQUARIUS: Contentment washes over you like a soothing bath on Wednesday, but good fortune blasts you like an uncontrolled fire hose. Stock up on fresh towels and enjoy the squeaky-clean goodness.
PISCES: Some days you reach for the stars, and other days you’re just holding on to your own heart. Stick out those hands, because the Universe sees you and fills them with love, joy and enough money to flabbergast a mule.
ARIES: Success isn’t in the cards for you this week, unless you’re slipping some hundred-dollar bills in there as well. Remember, You can’t buy Fate, but you can occasionally rent it for gas money.
TAURUS: Your 14th wildest dream comes true on Friday. The Universe doesn’t ask why you want a Ruth Buzzi lookalike covered in hash browns and wearing a string bikini, because it likes to sleep at night. Go wild, but please don’t share any details with the rest of us afterward.
GEMINI: It’s hard to give something the old college try when you barely passed remedial recess. Study up on that goal you’re aiming for; you may miss the mark, but at least you’ll have the number of that cute co-ed tutor who helped you study.
CANCER: Something new is on the horizon for you; could be a rainbow of happiness, or a speeding truck bearing down on your location. Either way, you’ll whip out your phone to take a pic of it and post it on Instagram before you move.
LEO: Money is like a cat; the more you chase it, the more it stays out of reach. Sit down, do something intricate or delicate and ignore it. Cash will be jumping in the midst of you immediately.
VIRGO: You’re looking to quickly achieve a huge goal. Ha! You have as much chance of that as making a quick Walmart run in the middle of road work season. Sit tight, turn on the radio, and wait it out. You’ll eventually get there, after some cussing and re-thinking your life choices.
LIBRA: Everything goes smoothly for you in the next few weeks. It’s like Karma turned on the autopilot, then wandered off to watch their soaps for a while. Enjoy the chill vibe before the holiday season hits.
Comments
No comments on this item Please log in to comment by clicking here