Leo: Everyone makes mistakes, but no one does it with your flash and pizzazz. Own up to your idiocy on Saturday. It may be embarrassing for you, but unbelievably entertaining for everyone else.
Virgo: The cheese has slipped off your cracker, but you’re not ready for the loony bin just yet. Take some alone time and encourage that cheddar back onto your saltine. And for the love of all that’s sane, stay away from Facebook.
Libra: A brilliant idea whizzes past you on Friday; get out the butterfly net and chase it down, because it could be worth a million bucks. Let’s face it, your neighbors have seen you do much weirder stuff. Don’t wear the thigh-high boots and spinning beanie hat again, though.
Scorpio: Keep reaching for the stars and you may snatch inspiration out of thin air, or grab a handful of low-flying goose. If the latter happens, let go of everything and run, because not even destiny will save you from a mad cobra chicken.
Sagittar ius: Everything’s coming up YOU this week. People leave your stuff alone in the office fridge, and good news piles up on your doorstep. You’ll have so many blessings, you’ll use them for scratch paper and drink coasters.
Capricorn: Sweet-talking the Universe finally scores you what you want this week. Remember to follow up with gratitude and gifts, because Karma has a quick temper and hates being ghosted.
Aquarius: You’re in a spot where no one expects the Spanish Inquisition, which means either you made a big mistake in your time travel tourism business, or you’re a rather confused librarian. Don’t worry, it’ll all shake out with some time in the comfy chair.
Pisces: Sure, you can search for the meaning in life, but it’s easier to kick back and observe as the lunacy parades past. Let go of expectations and grab some popcorn, because this week will be a wild show.
Aries: You’ve somersaulted into a big win; now you need to stick the landing. Go ahead and show off those skills; the audience doesn’t care about accuracy, they just love your bizarre, confident style. But you do get extra points for stuffing your leotard.
Taurus: The cows ate your four-leaf clovers, and the rabbit insists on keeping all its feet. Try a different lucky charm; walk up to the biggest, baldest person you see and rub their head. You’ll either start a barfight or jump into a new relationship.
Gemini: Some people are walking on sunshine, but this week you’re definitely trudging along the dog poop trail. You can bring along extra shoes, trash bags and paper towels, but that smell will follow you like a caffeinated terrier.
Cancer: You may not have the fiery grace of a falling star, but you do soar through the heavens like blue ice from an airplane toilet. Time your journey for sunset, and several onlookers with smudged glasses will make a wish when you speed past.
