Capricorn: Fame and fortune won’t come calling this week, but they will send you a nice text plus a few vacation photos so you can see what they’ve been up to. Send back lots of happy emojis so you can get on their good side.
Aquarius: For every three steps forward, you end up two steps back. Don’t get frustrated, just call it a smooth dance move. Throw in a few spins and jazz hands; you’ll have everyone’s attention, and you might even get some applause.
Pisces:
Relax. The Universe always works out for you. In fact, it has some awesome abs from a new gym routine, and can’t wait to show off some of its best stuff. All you have to do is enjoy, applaud and be thankful Karma is doing all the hard work.
Aries: You’re looking to settle scores like you did back in the day. Before you drop trou and moon everyone out the window of your VW bug, remember that cellphones exist. That butterfly tattoo on your left cheek will be famous by noon.
Taurus: What you think will be a springboard to adventure is actually a rocket-speed slingshot ride to frustration and disappointment. Slow your roll and be casual; adventure will find you, because it loves a challenge.
Gemini: Take things easy this week; don’t count your chickens before they hatch, because they’re actually baby alligators with a flair for drama. They’ll see you, and definitely bite off more than they can chew.
Cancer: Your life isn’t a three-ring circus; it’s more of a traveling sideshow run by a burned-out schoolteacher who runs on sarcasm and diet Coke. Wednesday may not be family- friendly, but it’ll definitely get you some attention.
Leo: You’re having the strangest feeling on Monday. Is it indigestion? A stress attack? Consequences of eating 12 spicy burritos? Nope, just a stray inclination to be nice. Share that splinter of kindness and you’ll freak people out.
Virgo: To thine own self be true, but on Thursday, feel free to give everyone else your “weird stranger in the elevator” face. Instead of dealing with people’s petty problems, you’ll be able to spend the day watching silly memes on Tiktok.
Libra: Greatness has its eye on you, but you’re rushing across the street to get away. No use trying to make your escape; Karma has big plans for you this month and you’ll be important whether you like it or not.
Scorpio: In every life a little rain must fall, but while most people are grumbling about it, you’re strapping on water skis and getting ready to jump mud puddles from the back of a souped-up go-kart. You are pure awesomeness this week. No notes.
Sagittar ius: There’s the road paved with good intentions, and then there’s the twisty trail lined with half-baked notions created by a sugared-up squirrel with ADHD. That’s the path you’re taking; it’s not devilish, but it’s definitely something you won’t forget. Pack extra socks and a muffin tin.
